The Fear of Slowing Down

An article this summer in The New York Times quoted extensively from a research study conducted by Silicon Valley psychologist Stephanie Brown which refers to our collective fear of slowing down. Brown found that people who are alone with their own thoughts for more than a few minutes become agitated and seek any kind of stimulation they can find in order to avoid thinking.

“There’s this widespread belief that thinking and feeling will only slow you down and get in your way, but it’s the opposite,” she said.

Case in point: A study by Benjamin Baird and colleagues at the University of California, Santa Barbara, shows that daydreaming and fantasizing unleash fantastic amounts of creativity and allow people to problem-solve because they feel free to look at problems and challenges without deadlines and outside pressures.

Have you had a creative daydream lately? Would you like to? Here’s how to get started.

• Disconnect
• Compartmentalize
• Get fit
• Have fun

1. Disconnect. You can’t constantly be connected or you’ll become overwhelmed and overworked. Yes, that means turn off the electronics. Shut down the computer, the iPad, the Smartphone whenever your work day ends and don’t fire them up again until the next workday starts. If the world comes to an end in the meantime, someone will be sure to let you know. You might also experiment with a media-free day. No TV, radio, or video games. If a day (or night) sounds like too much, try it for an hour or two and work your way up to a day.
2. Compartmentalize. This means separating work time from play time, family time, and your time. Whatever your work culture dictates (9 to 5, 7 to 3), work those hours and only those hours. Don’t take work home at night or on weekends. When you’re working, give it your all. But once you walk out the door, transition immediately into a new mental and physical state. If you have a long commute, use the time to decompress rather than listening to the news or returning work-related phone calls. When you get home, shed your work clothes immediately and get into something that makes you feel casual and relaxed. Shift your focus.
3. Get fit. Exercise is a great relaxer of both body and mind. For one thing, a lot of it is fairly routine. You don’t have to think about how to run on the treadmill or maneuver the elliptical trainer. Let your mind wander. Better still, if you can run or walk outdoors, you’ll have plenty of visual aids to redirect your busy thoughts. A healthy body supports creative thinking. And fitness is not just about your body. Your mind needs to stay fit as well. The word “meditation” scares a lot of people because they don’t understand how to do it. It’s as simple as sitting quietly and breathing for 10 or 15 minutes a day. Let your mind wander and don’t try to control where your thoughts take you.
4. Have fun. Remember fun? Maybe you haven’t had any real fun since the fifth grade. But it’s never too late. Write out a bucket list of fun activities. (Hint: taking clients to a baseball game does not count.) Whether it’s whitewater rafting, taking a photography class or learning Italian cooking — get completely out of your comfort zone. Take one day a month off, just for you. Schedule at least one vacation a year, preferably two. And remember No. 1 above — disconnect completely when you’re having fun.

Take action now: Look carefully at the four items above. If you’re already doing one or more of these things, give yourself a pat on the back. Is there one you’re sure you couldn’t possibly do? Start there. Do it for a month, until it becomes a habit you can’t live without. Then move on to the next one. Notice how your mood, your relationships, and your creativity change.

Heed the words of art critic James Huneker: “All men (and women) of action are dreamers.” That could be you.

Written by Joel Garfinkle

What to ask employees about your leadership

Q. What is the most important question you can ask your employees about how well you’re doing as their leader?


1. Do you trust me?
I think trust is what binds every leader to their employees. Do you trust that I’m taking this company in the right direction? Do you trust that I have your best interests in mind? Do you trust that I’m working to keep this company successful? I believe that if they genuinely feel that they can trust and rely on leadership, they will strive to be their best as well. – Michael Quinn, Yellow Bridge Interactive

2. What could I do better?

True transparency and honesty at a company is fueled by feedback across the organization. These are two principles I try to instill in my employees and that I believe create a healthy work environment. I want my employees to feel comfortable enough to tell me what’s working and what’s not at the company from their perspective without fear of consequences. – Brian Honigman, BrianHonigman.com

3. How well do you understand the company’s vision?
Let the employee tell you in their own words your vision as a leader for the company. Ask them to describe how their contributions fit into achieving that overall vision. The answers you get are so revealing. It’s an open ended question. So if you get one word or very vague answers, it’s a red flag that you need to communicate your vision better and more clearly. – Joshua Lee, StandOut Authority

4. How would you review me?
Let your team review you. If you have enough employees, do blind reviews. You’ll learn a lot. If you don’t, ask regularly what’s working and what’s not and how you can help. – Basha Rubin, Priori Legal

5. Don’t ask
There’s no reason to ask this question. You already know the answer based on how happy your employees are and how well your company is run. Don’t waste time with this rhetoric. If you always have the best interest of your employees in mind, then you are a strong leader. After all, your employees are the core of your business. – Scott Petinga, The Scott Petinga Group

6. Would you work for this boss again?
We tell people in our company that if you want to be a leader, find people that want to be led by you. So the ability to build a team that wants to work for someone is a key indicator. I think it’s also key to ask people if they would work for someone again. If you get 100 percent yes, that’s a great leader — that is my goal even if someone ends up leaving. We also use this question in exit interviews. – Robert Glazer, Acceleration Partners

Don't let E-mail become E-fail!

If there was one area where I got hit hard at the beginning of my tenure as school leader, it was communication. The first complaint related to my style, which was seen as being too impersonal. I was heavily involved with my BlackBerry, texting and e-mailing regularly (even in meetings and while sitting in on classroom observations) to reach out or respond to various constituents. Though my objectives were lofty (I wanted to as readily accessible and responsive as possible), I was seen by some as being too digitized and distracted. This was, in part, because my predecessor rarely e-mailed. Nor did he text much or own a smartphone.

We all know the reasons that we type so many of our correspondences instead of write them down on a piece of paper. It’s often faster, it’s neater, and it can easily be saved and categorized for future reference without paper-sifting and clutter. Electronic communications can be shared far and wide and allow us to reach out and reply when it works for us, not having to be concerned as much with the other’s schedule and readiness to communicate.

Despite the many benefits of e-communication, it can also presents some meaningful downsides. These include:

1. Misinterpretation. So much of the way that we normally share information and ideas is based on nonverbal communication. Inflections, hand gestures, facial tone, body positioning and the like say so much about how each party is receiving and responding to each other, as well as their passion for the information and ideas being shared. Without hearing a voice or seeing nonverbal cues, people struggle to properly discern the intended meaning, tone, value and emphasis.

2. Impersonal touch. No matter how thoughtfully an email is crafted, its digital nature makes it feel distant and impersonal. You simply cannot compare the feel of an e-mail with that of a face-to-face chat or a phone call.
   
   
3. Raising the temperature. For most of us, distance makes it feel safer to “yell” or to be critical. We can more easily muster up the gumption to criticize when we are typing words on our personal keyboards than when we have to look someone in the eye and share our feelings. Furthermore, the prospect of instantaneous communication creates an urgency that pressures e-mailers to think and write quickly, which can lead to carelessness.
   
   
4. You can’t get it back. The quick nature of e-mail makes it easy to forget that our words actually matter and can really come back to bite us. (I suggest that you never send any e-mail with potentially negative implications without first showing it to one or two trusted colleagues). Not only must we worry about how our message will be processed “in the moment,” but there is a chance that it will be forwarded or printed for others to see as well.
   
   
5. Keeping your distance. Perhaps worst of all, e-mail, IM and other e-communiqués maintain distance between colleagues, sometimes even when only a wall or cubicle separate them physically. It’s often easier to fire off a response than to get up and share a few words. You may also want to not disturb your busy co-workers, especially if they are in another conversation or on the phone. While all of that is laudable, it’s important to not fall into the habit of remaining distant. Personal rapport keeps relationships strong, even in the face of conflict.

As our jobs involve working with and getting things done with people, we have to be able to build healthy relationships. This requires a healthy dose of ongoing, in person interactions, to get to know each other in real terms and how we each tick.

Naphtali Hoff (@impactfulcoach) served as an educator and school administrator for over 15 years before becoming an executive coach and consultant. Read his blog at impactfulcoaching.com/blog.

Building Joy into Brand Experiences

Tina Sharkey, angel investor and CEO of SherpaFoundry: Have you ever noticed that little lift you get when a product you use reaches out and makes you smile? I’m not talking about big guffaws or major life moments. I’m talking about little, quotidian things. Like when I stop at my favorite coffee shop and the barista knows me. He says, “Here you go, Tina, no foam. Tesora blend — and I included extra sugar, just the way you like it. Have a beautiful day.”

Or Lululemon. The athletic apparel brand leaves secret messages in the cuffs of its long-sleeved tops. When you pull the sleeves over your hands on a chilly morning, the message is revealed: Cold hands, warm heart.

These tiny joyful moments consumers have when they interact with a brand are extremely powerful. After all, the things that make us happy are the things we want to share. In today’s cluttered environment, marketing is not what a brand says about itself but what a friend tells a friend.

Even brands that are not about smiles and cute messages can unlock joy. For example, when you use the ridesharing service Uber to call for a car to the airport you can feel your anxiety slipping away as you receive the message, “Your Uber is on its way.”

Brands unlock joy by tapping into a precise moment of emotional need – cold on a morning walk, dreading a workday, stressed about transport – and transform the customer’s mood. The experiences I’ve described here were all designed to make the consumer feel a positive emotion exactly at the moment of engagement. And with a little forethought and insight, these loyalty-building moments can be incorporated into your brand or product experience by design. I call this “receptional design.”
Receptional design takes human-centered design one step further. It is real-time design focused on the very precise moment of reception.

 Receptional design maps the customer’s journey through receiving and interacting with a product or idea. It considers not just what we produce, but how it is received. Not just what we say, but how it is heard. Not just how we reach out, but how our touch is felt. Receptional design is about understanding where consumers are emotionally at the moment of engagement with your product.

Here are four “Joy Factors” to consider as you start thinking about receptional design:

The confidence factor. Take advantage of the social graph or the “wisdom of crowds” to make consumers feel confident and secure in their decision making. Sites like Amazon and Travelocity allow users to sort options based on other users’ reviews. This allows them to rely on those who came before, which gives them confidence and removes the feeling of risk. Providing reviews at the moment of purchase transforms the shopping experience from a state of uncertainty and doubt into state of confidence and mastery.

The surprise and delight factor. Brands can provide feelings of surprise and delight by reimagining basic functions using receptional design. Zappos will upgrade an order to one-day shipping, sending a congratulatory email to the buyer. For the customer, it feels great. For Zappos, it’s just part of optimizing their logistics and operations. The order happened to be placed in time to make the plane.

The transparency factor. Think like a chess player, always three moves ahead. What is your customer’s immediate need, what is her next need and what is her next need after that? A little transparency can go a long way, because it reassures us and addresses our fears. When you send a text message using iMessage, the experience is not just about sending the message – it’s about receiving confirmation that it’s been read. When you order an Uber, it’s not just about knowing your car is on its way — it’s about knowing who your driver will be, what his reputation is, how far away he is and precisely when he will arrive. Now you can relax!

The story factor. It’s no secret that great storytelling engages the emotions. But today, you don’t need a Madison Avenue agency or a billion-dollar budget to tell stories that connect with your consumers. Beepi, a new concept for used cars in the Bay Area (and a startup I invested in), is a good example. When you buy a Beepi, the car is delivered to your driveway wrapped in a giant bow. A friendly Beepi representative will explain the car’s control panels and special features. And before he leaves, he’ll snap a picture of you with your new Beepi, creating a lasting memory for you to keep for yourself or share with your friends on Instagram or Facebook.

When a consumer has an emotional connection with your brand, she makes the narrative of your brand her own. That’s when the magic happens and your story gets shared.

It’s not about the tweet, it’s about the retweet. It’s not about the pin, but the re-pin. It’s not about what a brand says about itself, but what a friend tells another friend.


Ms. Sharkey is the CEO of SherpaFoundry and a special partner at SherpaVentures, an early-stage venture-capital fund.

Be Open and Honest!

“To be persuasive, we must be believable; to be believable, we must be credible; to be credible, we must be truthful.” ~ Edward R. Murrow

One of the hardest talks that I had to give took place right before the beginning of my third year as head of school. It was at the back-to-school full faculty meeting and I needed to clear the air about an issue that was on many people’s minds.

The issue was me. Not that I necessarily did anything so terrible that required addressing. But I knew that our insular, largely veteran faculty was still struggling with the transition from their previous boss and the relatively new style of leadership that I represented. My message was simple and direct. I validated the feelings of those who continued to pine for a bygone era and let them know that I was prepared to do whatever I could to ensure the smoothest pathway forward.

After the talk, a veteran teacher approached me. He thanked me for my words and told me that I had said what needed to be said to acknowledge and validate. It was now time to move on to what we needed to achieve. And we achieved quite a bit that year, perhaps more than my previous two years combined.

The ability to take an honest look at a situation and take the necessary steps to rectify it — even if it means admitting error and/or acknowledging weakness – is crucial for leader effectiveness. Frequently, however, we see just the opposite occur. In many instances, our first response is to deny problems or mistakes or conjure up excuses to justify their occurrence. Nobody wants to appear as foolish or ill-informed. This is particularly true of leaders, who tend to feel that they must always act justifiably or lose credibility.

Fans of the 1970s sitcom “Happy Days” fondly remember the heroics and antics of Arthur “Fonzie” Fonzarelli. Fonzie was the quintessential cool guy, and always seemed to show up at the right time to save Richie and friends from trouble. But even the great Fonzie made mistakes, and when he did, he demonstrated a deep inability to admit his errors. The first two words, “I was,” came out without issue. When he reached the key descriptor, “wrong,” his face became contorted and pained. Try as he might (and he did try), the Fonz simply could not proclaim error. “I was wrrr-rrr-rrr” was as far as it went. Through comic relief, Fonzie exemplified a human weakness that is oftentimes expressed most deeply by those in positions of leadership and perceived strength.

Error is as central to the human condition as any other quality. We all make mistakes, and will do so every day of our lives. We must be willing to accept them, and have the self-confidence and integrity to admit it when we do. Our ability and willingness to do this, perhaps more than anything else, will allow us to build and maintain the trust of those we lead.

Business leaders routinely make decisions based upon imperfect information and judgment. They may get blindsided by a competitor’s response or underestimate the challenges in developing and selling products. Wholeheartedly accepting our errors, rather than avoiding responsibility or offering up excuses, limits potential damage and sets us on the right course.

What prevents leaders from apologizing freely, from owning up to mistakes and taking full responsibility for them? One contributor, no doubt, is the cultural axiom that leaders, particularly aspiring ones, should hide weaknesses and errors. However, we need to realize that it is not only healthy for leaders to admit their wrongdoings, but such practice can be a powerful tool for them, increasing their legitimacy among their co-workers. People need courageous leaders in order to feel there is someone to make the tough calls and to take responsibility for them; they need to know that the buck truly does stop with the leader. With a dauntless leader, people feel protected, knowing that the person in charge really has their back and will take ownership when things go awry.

Moreover, when practiced regularly, such admissions can help to build a culture that increases solidarity and openness to change, positive features of organizational life. And courage begets courage: followers are more likely to make their own tough decisions and to take responsibility for them when their supervisors model that same behavior. Have their backs and they will more likely have yours.

In terms of the actual apology, follow these rules in order to maximize its effect.

• Apologize sincerely. Saying “I am sorry” must communicate genuine regret for your behavior and a wish that you had acted differently.
• Take complete ownership. Avoid shifting the blame (“I apologize that you misunderstood me,” “I am sorry that you felt that way,” etc.). Doing so greatly diminishes the apologizer’s effectiveness. Stating that the other person was partly responsible for what occurred or for his hurt feelings places the listener on the defensive and causes them to consider you to be disingenuous and perhaps even accusatory. And that is no way to apologize.
• Avoid excuses. State your error directly, without justification. To the listener’s ear, excuses not only feel like an attempt to validate the wrongdoing, they may even sound like an attack, as if the plaintiff was inconsiderate to hold him accountable in the first place.
• State how you intend to fix things. Articulating your intent to correct matters, including an action plan of intended steps, will do wonders to convince the listener of your sincerity. It should be simple, realistic and detailed.
• And then follow through. Few things damage morale more than when a leader sets expectations for personal or organizational change and then does not follow through. In many ways, it is worse than not having apologized in the first place. When leaders do not act as promised, employees question not only their courage and will, but also their trustworthiness.

Written by Naphtali Hoff (@impactfulcoach) served as an educator and school administrator for over 15 years before becoming an executive coach and consultant. Read his blog at impactfulcoaching.com/blog.