It is a balancing act for leaders to know when they should talk and when they should just listen. Extroverted leaders have a particular challenge because they talk to
think. For them, talking is an important part of processing information
and ideas. They risk grabbing too much airtime and shutting others down.
Conversely, introverted leaders think to talk . They are often challenged to communicate information at a frequency that is conducive to their followers’ needs. I do not advocate that leaders should be “seen and not heard.” It is fair to say, though, that leaders should be heard less and seen more. People believe and listen to the actions of leaders more than to their words.
It’s remarkable how much you learn when you stop talking and begins listening. The vast majority of communication between people is non-verbal, making it important to learn how to pick up cues and clues to lead appropriately for the specific situation.
It’s not an accident that the ratio of “listening” body parts to “speaking” body parts is 4:1 — two ears and two eyes, versus one mouth. In fact, we listen with our whole body — we also listen with our brain, our heart and our gut.
Leaders make fewer wrong assumptions and better decisions when they ask more than they tell and when they listen more than talk. Of course, leaders need to speak, share their vision, engage others, brainstorm ideas and make decisions. It’s about balance, and it’s about the quality of the conversations.
The wisest and most successful leaders pay attention, learn to “read the room,” and sense when it’s time for them to listen and when it’s time for them to talk. The first step in getting this right is to stop doing anything else when you are having a conversation with someone, and then make sure you pay attention and balance your airtime with others.
Conversely, introverted leaders think to talk . They are often challenged to communicate information at a frequency that is conducive to their followers’ needs. I do not advocate that leaders should be “seen and not heard.” It is fair to say, though, that leaders should be heard less and seen more. People believe and listen to the actions of leaders more than to their words.
It’s remarkable how much you learn when you stop talking and begins listening. The vast majority of communication between people is non-verbal, making it important to learn how to pick up cues and clues to lead appropriately for the specific situation.
It’s not an accident that the ratio of “listening” body parts to “speaking” body parts is 4:1 — two ears and two eyes, versus one mouth. In fact, we listen with our whole body — we also listen with our brain, our heart and our gut.
Leaders make fewer wrong assumptions and better decisions when they ask more than they tell and when they listen more than talk. Of course, leaders need to speak, share their vision, engage others, brainstorm ideas and make decisions. It’s about balance, and it’s about the quality of the conversations.
The wisest and most successful leaders pay attention, learn to “read the room,” and sense when it’s time for them to listen and when it’s time for them to talk. The first step in getting this right is to stop doing anything else when you are having a conversation with someone, and then make sure you pay attention and balance your airtime with others.
Here are 10 tips to help you know when you should stay quiet.
- It’s an emotional conversation — people need to believe they are being heard. Ask how you can help rather than assuming you know.
- You come in during the middle of a story. There is no need to embarrass yourself!
- You are wondering if what you’ll say will be seen as offensive. If you have to wonder, then it probably is.
- You are tempted to “fix” the person’s problem.
- Someone asks you a question that you should not or cannot answer fully or accurately.
- You think your idea is the best thing since shelled walnuts.
- You ask a question. It is a good idea to wait and listen for the answer.
- You feel yourself jumping to conclusions without much information.
- You’ve been drinking or partying and someone from work calls you.
- You are angry or upset. Take enough time to figure out why you feel the way you do and then determine the best course of action to resolve the problem.
Roxi Hewertson is the CEO of Highland Consulting
Group Inc. and AskRoxi.com. For over 20 years she has helped hundreds of
leaders learn to lead effectively. She is an expert in organizational
development, organizational effectiveness, and talent management, and
she has served as an adjunct faculty at Cornell University. Her
no-nonsense, practical insights have been featured by Forbes, Inc.
magazine, Entrepreneur magazine, Fox News, and Chief Learning Officer
magazine.
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